


Getting It Together

by HPFangirl71



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Insults, M/M, Rape, Rape Recovery, Sexual Violence, Shame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 12:33:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFangirl71/pseuds/HPFangirl71
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Draco wake up in bed together after a night of drunk sex.</p><p>Manip on the banner is made by my friend angelus2hot</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Off

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written quite awhile ago and went unfinished... its based on several prompts that were given for the first Harry/Draco LDWS on Live Journal in the comm Slythindor100. Although I wasn't a writer in the contest itself, I was inspired by the lovely prompts which were a basic outline to Harry and Draco getting together. So anyway, the story is now finished all but the epilogue which I am working on so I hope everyone enjoys it!!
> 
> Also, this story contains a slash pairing and explicit sex... Do Not Flame Please!! The beginning of chapter 7 also contains a fairly graphic rape scene by an original character on one of the boys but the rest of the story is your normal H/D storytelling... you can choose to skip the rape scene if you wish and still enjoy the storyline, I think.

[ ](http://www.bannerfans.com)

**Prompt Used: STEP ONE: “I hate that I want you.”  
... where they sober up and realise that they are lonely, horny and desperate, and that they are obsessing over someone other than themselves.**

One Off by HPFangirl71

Harry awoke, the morning sunlight burning his eyes and causing him to regret getting totally pissed the night before. His mouth felt dry as cotton and his head was throbbing as if someone had hexed him. The only good thought was that at least he didn’t have to go into work this morning.

He felt someone stir next to him and realized with more regret that he wasn’t alone. Getting drunk often led to these overnight trysts that he barely remembered. These one offs were sometimes messy and more complicated than he desired. He only hoped he hadn’t been foolish enough to bring home another female, since they always seemed to be the clingiest.

He breathed in a scent of cologne and realized that the person beside him was probably male. Thank Merlin for that at least. Summoning up every ounce of Gryffindor courage inside him, he rolled over to face the music. As he did, he got the shock of his life because there lying asleep next to him was none other than Draco Malfoy. 

How had this happened? He had been drunk for sure, but he didn’t think he’d been quite that drunk. It was Malfoy for crying out loud. No matter how much the man had changed since the war, he was still a former death eater and the bane of his childhood existence. For the love of Merlin, how had they ended up in the same bed? Hate filled his heart as he thought of that repulsive thought.

He turned around to look again at the man lying beside him and the hate melded with another emotion that scared the crap out of him. As he watched Malfoy sleeping within his bed an animalistic need overcame him. It sent a twitch to his cock that sickened him and sent him reeling to the loo. 

As he wiped a stray bit of vomit from the corner of his mouth, Harry stared into the mirror. No this could not be happening… He could not want Draco Malfoy of all people. It just wasn’t possible; they were enemies to the bitter end. Turning back to the door, he braced himself for whatever happened next. Whatever it might be, he was sure it was not going to be pretty.


	2. Agreeable Arrangement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finally confronts Draco about their drunken night together after Draco slips out on him.

**Prompt Used: STEP TWO: "Fuck me, fix me"  
... where they come to believe that by convincing the other to have sex with them, and turning their mind and body over to the other's care, they can somehow be ‘fixed’**

Agreeable Arrangement by HPFangirl71

  


Harry braced himself for the inevitable confrontation before reentering his bedroom. The sight he met filled him with a mixture of shock, indignation and relief. His bed was completely empty, void of any trace that Malfoy had ever been there. Leave it to that arrogant git to just fuck and run. Overwhelmed by the events of the morning, Harry plopped himself down onto the bed.

He had thought that all traces of the beautiful blonde man were gone but he had been wrong. His scent lingered on the sheets, a mixture of expensive soaps and some sort of musky cologne. He found himself wondering what exactly had occurred last night and whether or not Malfoy remembered any of it. He had to get these thoughts of Malfoy out of his head. Quickly, he summoned Kreacher the house elf to come change the sheets and went downstairs to conjure up a hangover potion. 

The rest of the weekend Harry found his thoughts straying back to Malfoy and it troubled him. Come Monday morning he was ready to confront him face to face. It was the only way to get the problem fixed. As soon as he arrived at the Ministry, he had his secretary send Malfoy a summons to his office. As Draco’s superior, he knew the man wouldn’t dare disobey. Sure enough, Draco arrived within the hour; there was a nervous air about the usually poised man.

“Sit down.” Harry said, pointing to a seat on the other side of his desk.

Draco took a seat warily. 

“What’s this about Potter? What has you summoning me like I’m one of your little errand boys?” he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“What are you on about? You know damn well what I called you here for!” Harry said loudly.

“No I don’t.” Draco deadpanned.

“So you’re going to just sit there and deny that we slept together?” Harry said in utter exasperation.

“No… Its just I don’t remember any of it.” Draco whispered in a way that seemed embarrassed.

Harry looked at him in shock.

“You don’t remember it either?”

A look of relief washed over both their faces.

“Well if neither of us remembers it, then maybe it never actually happened.”

“Oh believe me Malfoy, it happened.” Harry said with a bit of annoyance in his voice.

“What makes you so sure Potter?” 

“Well let’s just say my arse was a little worse for wear after that night. Seems you got lucky!” he smiled a bit nervously at the thought.

Draco chuckled a bit nervously himself and then asked the question that had been haunting Harry’s thoughts all weekend.

“I wonder if it was any good.” he said quite bluntly.

“Well there’s only one real way of knowing…” Harry said hesitantly.

“You think we should do it again?” Draco’s question came out more as a statement.

“Well only if you do!” Harry said defensively.

“It can’t hurt since it already happened.” he said a bit reluctantly. 

Harry was also unsure but decided to go ahead with it.

“Fine, say Friday?” he asked.

Draco mumbled an affirmative reply and then hurriedly dismissed himself from Harry’s office. Watching the man disappear down the hall, Harry had a scary thought… He had a date with none other than Draco Malfoy. He wasn’t quite sure if this would fix things or totally fuck them up worse than they unfortunately already were…


	3. Staying Sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Draco have their date as planned...

**Prompt Used: STEP THREE: “You’re great in bed, but you’re still an arse.”  
... where they convince themselves that sex is enough, and the heart's involvement isn’t necessary.**

Staying Sober by HPFangirl71

Harry paced nervously in his living room, waiting for Draco’s arrival. He’d had a slew of doubt about this date throughout the week and had come close to just owling Malfoy with his cancellation. What on earth had he been thinking when he’d set up this whole evening? 

He heard a knock at the door but let Kreacher answer it. As the small-wizened house elf led Malfoy into the living room, Harry looked up from his place near the fireplace. Malfoy looked amazing, then again the man usually did. Harry cleared his throat and put out his hand in greeting. Malfoy looked nervously at him before accepting the offered hand. They both laughed nervously as they broke the uneasy handshake.

“Kreacher has dinner all ready, so if you’d like we can just get started.” Harry stated.

“You didn’t have to go to all the trouble of a meal Potter. After all, I’m a sure thing tonight.” Draco said, his voice dripping with the usual acerbic sarcasm.

“Yeah I know… but I thought it might make it easier for us both.” Harry replied back.

As they made their way into the kitchen, Harry began wondering why the hell he was doing this…? As he watched Malfoy walk towards the table, his jeans tightly fit to the form of his perfect arse, the twitch to his cock reminded him exactly why he was doing this. Yes, tonight was going to be an interesting if not all together enjoyable evening indeed.

“What’s this?” Draco asked Harry as Kreacher began serving the first course.

“Its tomato bisque, why?” 

“Not the soup moron, what’s this in the glass? I thought we agreed to stay sober for this.”

Harry decided to ignore Draco’s acerbic barb, it wasn’t worth the argument that would surely ensue.

“It’s a non alcoholic muggle drink.” he replied quite simply and lifted his glass in the gesture of a toast.

Draco lifted his own glass to clink gently against Harry’s and gave him a playful smirk.

“Here’s to staying sober then.”

Dinner proceeded quite successfully and by the time they had almost finished the main course, they were in a rousing conversation about the current Quidditch standings. As they finished the last few mouthfuls of dessert, the tension returned like a heavy cloud. Finally, Harry nervously cleared his throat and suggested they retire to the upstairs. Draco agreed and somewhat reluctantly followed his host.

In the bedroom, things were still tense so Harry approached Malfoy a bit apprehensively. Suddenly Malfoy made a bold move, bringing Harry close to him as he pulled at the dark haired man’s clothing greedily. Their lips came crashing together simultaneously. Tongues played tag as hands groped aimlessly upon hard muscular bodies. In the end, it was clear they both wanted this but neither wanted to admit it. 

Soon they had divested one another of any and all clothing, landing in a naked tangle upon the black silk sheets. Harry could feel Draco’s need as he pressed aggressively up against him. The tremendous heat between them hung within the air like an unspoken doom. Neither said a word as they each explored fervently with greedy fingers and equally greedy mouths. Their hateful passion was now exploding in an altogether different kind of passion that mystified them both.

Harry let out a moan of mixed pain and pleasure as Draco’s cock stretched him open. He felt Draco’s mouth tenderly pressing against the skin of his neck, letting his teeth graze sensually along as he pushed in and out of him. It was amazing how delightful this could be. Having Malfoy fuck him wasn’t anything like he’d imagined and it scared him, the quiet intimacy that grew and spread between them was like a wildfire. Their bodies exploded with lustful desires as every touch brought them each closer to the edge.

When they had both been completely undone, they lay their in the aftermath, clinging quietly together. Each unsure of what to say or do now that the deed was done. Draco was the one who finally broke the silence as he rolled away from his lover. 

“That wasn’t at all what I thought it would be…” he whispered in obvious awe.

“Why? What did you think it would be?” Harry asked out of curiosity.

“Well, you bloody Gryffindors are all so self righteous that I thought you might be a bit of a prude.” Malfoy remarked with snide honesty.

Harry chuckled a bit to himself before answering him quite candidly.

“Malfoy, you’re great in bed, but you’re still an arse for crying out loud.”

“Yes… well, at least there’s one thing we can agree upon because I feel exactly the same about you Potter.” Draco replied as he got up and gathered his clothes together.

“I guess I’ll see you at the Ministry then.” Harry said as a means of goodbye.

“I suppose that’s inevitable… but remember Potter, this was just sex and nothing more.” 

With that, the blonde haired man finished dressing and quickly apparated from Harry’s bedroom, leaving him alone in the near darkness. Draco was completely right, while sex with his former enemy was incredible, it was best if it went no further than that…


	4. Dating Draco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dating one another turns out to be a roller coaster ride. Parts of it are a delightful thrill while others leave them feeling nauseous.

**Prompt Used: STEP FOUR: “Enough with this.”  
... where they sabotage themselves by pointing out the other's character defects whenever possible, fighting, and breaking up …**

Dating Draco by HPFangirl71

Sex with Draco Malfoy had been good. So good in fact, that Harry had owled him to come over the next evening. That Saturday there had been no dinner or polite conversation, just him taking the man roughly upon his living room couch. He was like a haven, making Harry feel more alive than he ever had. Everything else had disappeared as he pushed fervently in and out of Draco’s tight hole. It had been quick and dirty this time yet still just as incredibly intense.

Afterwards, Draco had actually spent the night. How that had happened, Harry still wasn’t quite sure. It had led to more sex and a mutual agreement that they would continue seeing one another. The two as a couple had shocked many of their friends and co-workers but not nearly as much as it had shocked them both.

Dating Draco Malfoy was a mixture of pleasure and pain. They had their moments where they could actually get along but it also included a lot of disagreements and fights. The problems in their relationship were only intensified by the mindless make up sex that ensued after the fights. In fact, a lot of the time they spent together was in the heat of lustful passion. Sex was the only thing upon which they could truly agree. They both liked it a bit rough and the more spontaneous it was the better. Neither was the cuddling type, which seemed fitting since their relationship was based more upon the physical than the emotional. 

The only emotions that fueled their relationship might have been hate and lust. The anger and bitterness of the past exploded dangerously at times but the sex was just too damn good for either of them to let go. Several times one or the other of them would try to call it quits and say “enough of this…!” However, in the end, they always ended up back in each other’s arms. The need for the physical far outweighing the emotional damage they were inflicting upon one another. Something kept pulling them back but neither knew quite what it was. 

Draco’s father kept pushing him to settle down with some Greengrass girl and Hermione constantly tried in vain to set Harry up with various good-looking wizards she found. “Anything was better than Malfoy.” she would say. Deep down he knew she was right but he was in deeper than he cared to admit. When had he come to the point where life without Draco was a scary prospect? Harry knew he had to end this and he had to end it now… before he got his heart broken.


	5. Passions Proclaimed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Draco can't seem to stay apart... but three little words change everything between them.

**Prompt Used: STEP FIVE: “Forgive me, heal me.”  
Where they get back together for more sex (of the “I’m sorry, please forgive me” variety)**

Passions Proclaimed by HPFangirl71

Harry finally got up the courage to break things off with Draco, this time for good or so he hoped. He had wanted to end things before his heart was too attached but in the end, it seemed he’d been a bit too late for that. Now, he was stuck being alone because he couldn’t possibly go crawling back after Draco had insinuated that the whole relationship had been nothing more to him than a means to get some regular sex.

Since he and Malfoy were often thrown together on Ministry related projects, work was pure agony. It made Harry almost regret his part in getting Draco the position in the Auror’s office, it made things extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Every time he saw Draco, he wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through his soft blonde locks and to kiss those gorgeous lips until they were swollen thoroughly. He tried hard to avoid him but it seemed near impossible. After months of this torture, he had half a mind to swallow his pride and beg the haughty man to take him back.

Harry was thinking of just that thought one late Friday night when Draco suddenly stormed into his office without so much as a knock. 

“Why yes Malfoy, come in, make yourself at home…” Harry said sarcastically.

“Shut it Potter! I don’t need any of your non funny witticisms.” he barked back.

“Then why the hell are you in my office uninvited?” Harry shouted at him.

Draco looked down with an almost sheepish look upon his face. Then leaning across Harry’s desk, he looked the man right in the eyes before speaking the thing that was apparently on both their minds.

“Look Potter, we need to talk… about us.”

Without a word, Harry pulled him into a hungry kiss. Draco returned the kiss with passionate fervor. This was so much more than just a kiss, it was filled with all the emotional distress and sexual longing of the past couple months. 

Finally, Draco pulled away from his embrace only to whisper into his ear “Let’s go back to your place.”

Apparating within Harry’s bedroom, they lost no time in stripping one another completely naked. Exchanging many kisses, they could feel the need spreading between them like wildfire. There were no apologies needed as they let their passions take over. It was all too evident in their caresses that they had missed one another more than either had wished to admit. Their coming together this time was different from the others. This time wasn't just sex; instead, it was done slowly with hope and longing. Their feelings were on full display this time.

“Damn Harry… I can’t take this much longer, I need you…” Draco groaned out as they continued to tease one another.

Tempting, as it was to prolong the sexy blonde’s torture, Harry knew he too couldn’t take much more. Gently he inserted a wet finger into Draco’s tight hole, working it in and out with expertise. He knew exactly the right spot to hit and soon had Draco mewling with desire. He reached for the lube in the nightstand drawer and soon had his cock slicked and ready at Draco’s opening. Placing his hands upon Draco’s hips, he drove deep into his tight heat and heard the man gasp with the pleasurable pain of his intrusion. He pumped roughly in and out, feeling the tightening of his balls with every thrust. 

“Oh sweet Merlin, Draco…” he cried out at his own imminent orgasm.

His hand was wrapped around Draco’s hard cock and he could feel his balls tightening too. They were going to cum together and it was going to be amazing. As Harry sunk his cock even further into the man beneath him, he could hear his moans and it excited him even more. This man was everything to him, how could he have been so foolish as to even try giving him up. 

He felt himself release within the confines of his lover’s body and let out a satisfied groan. Draco too came in spurts over the bed sheets and let out a stream of obscenities with his pleasure. Harry didn’t move, for he wasn’t in any hurry to depart from Draco’s hold upon him. They both lay there, reveling in the aftermath of this glorious union. 

With his face still buried in the pillows, Draco let slip the thing he had been longing to tell Harry for so long.

“I love you” he mumbled in such a hurried way that Harry wasn’t even sure he had heard the words but he answered them anyways.

“I love you too Draco.” he whispered into his ear as he rolled away from his all too perfect warmth.

The words “I love you” were just three little words but as they slipped from between both their lips, they changed everything…


	6. Draco's Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco denies having any feelings for Harry. Harry gets defensive and throws him out, this time seemingly for good.

**Prompt Used: STEP SIX: “It’s your fault I can’t love you.”  
Where they make a list of all the things the other is doing wrong, making every effort to make them feel permanently inadequate and the one who is to blame.**

Draco’s Denial by HPFangirl71

Harry rolled over to place a hand upon the small of Draco’s back. He absentmindedly traced a series of circles upon the pale skin. He felt the soft rise and fall of every breath as Draco slept beside him. He was still thinking about what had happened last night, they hadn’t talked about it but he knew it changed their relationship dramatically. The mere utterance of those few words had proven that this thing between them could be serious.

He listened as Draco grumbled awake. He reached out to pull the cranky blonde deep within his embrace. Draco turned to face him and their lips melded in perfect unison. Waking up together was the best part of them spending the night together. Harry pulled away from the kiss and looked deep into Draco’s pale grey eyes.

“We need to talk…” he said in a barely contained whisper.

Draco rolled away from him and gave a deep sigh of aggravation.

“No we don’t.” he said in a flat tone of finality.

“How can you say that after what happened last night?” Harry insisted.

“They were just words! Nothing has changed between us!” Draco said in a hard-edged tone.

A look of hurt passed over Harry’s face and Draco almost regretted what he’d said. He pressed a hand against Harry’s chest while the other entangled in his unruly brown hair. 

“Listen Harry, this can’t get serious… you don’t want to fall in love with me.”

“Why not?” was Harry’s simple reply.

“Because I’m no good to fall in love with! Besides, I don’t want to fall in love with you… I don’t want to fall in love with anyone!” Draco ranted as he got up and began frantically dressing.

“So that’s it then… Malfoy runs away again! I mean that is what you do, isn’t it? When the going gets tough, you get to running.”

Harry’s words stung Draco but the man refused to show it.

“No actually, its you Potter! Exactly how am I supposed to fall in love with someone like you? I mean you’re so clingy and needy… it’s completely suffocating! I’ve tried to overlook your impossible demands on this relationship but its time you faced facts, we were never meant to be a real couple!’

Harry looked like Draco had just slapped him across the face. 

“Then what exactly is this we’ve been doing here?” Harry said as he tried hard to fight back the tears that wanted desperately to fall.

“We keep each other company and Merlin knows the sex is great, but that’s all this is. There never was anything more than that… I’m sorry.” Draco replied, his tone hushed yet still harsh.

“I think you should leave.” Harry whispered, breaking the heavy silence that hung between them.

Draco tried to approach him but Harry was hurt and insistent.

“Leave… Now!”

With that, Draco grabbed his wand from the night table and quickly apparated home. As he reappeared within the walls of his own empty apartment, he felt the cold wet of the tears that slipped quietly down his face.


	7. Aggravated Assault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco's self destructive behavior leads to something truly bad happening to him and Harry is quick to rush to his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Graphic Rape scene is at the very beginning, before the page break... after the page break is non graphic.

**Prompt Used: STEP SEVEN: “It’s my fault I nearly lost you forever.”  
... when on the verge of losing the other permanently, a moment of clarity occurs where they see that they were wrong, showing love through action (outside of the bedroom) and showing up for the relationship (what a concept!).**

 

Aggravated Assault by HPFangirl71

Weeks passed and there was no sign of Harry forgiving Draco. It wasn’t like the usual times, this time Draco had hurt Harry in a way he couldn’t hope to repair. Draco was despondent but didn’t want to show that side of himself to Potter. Instead, he took to hanging out in Muggle bars and clubs, getting pissed and crawling home to his lonely little flat. It was after one of these little nights out that Draco found himself in a heap of trouble.

Draco stumbled out of the club, barely able to stand. It was late Saturday as Draco wobbled towards home. He didn’t even really register the sound of the footsteps behind him before it was too late. He was attacked from behind by a man bigger and stronger than he was. All he heard was the loud crack of glass breaking against his skull along with the dull pain that throbbed there afterwards. Draco’s state of drunkenness made him uncoordinated and unable to get his bearings. He tried his best to fight back but he never stood a chance as the man continually pummeled his face. 

Draco fell to the ground from the weight of one blow and felt the dizzying effects of being hit so many times in the head. His eye was swollen near shut and as he lay on the ground, the man continued his assault. He kicked at Draco with venomous force. After nearly beating Draco to death, he pulled him into an alleyway. Draco feared for his life, he had no way of knowing why he was being attacked. 

Minutes after being dragged into the alley, he unfortunately found out. The man pulled roughly at Draco’s trousers, pulling them down to his ankles and he knew then what was about to happen. He tried in vain to fight back but it was no use, he had been weakened by the alcohol and the man’s previous attack. The sound of the other man unzipping his jeans sent a chill through his body and he tensed in fear. The stranger pinned him to the ground as he viciously invaded Draco’s body. Draco screamed out in pain as he felt his body stretched and torn from within. His attacker hit him again in an attempt to quiet him. He grabbed at Draco’s hair, gripping it hard to help him drive deeper into his body. 

Draco felt the searing pain over and over as the man continued his vicious assault. His body had been unprepared for such an onslaught and Draco felt the blood that seeped down between his thighs. The man entered him violently again and again. The pain was unbearable and Draco felt sure he would never survive such a battering. The pain remained for quite some time as the man pleasured himself at Draco’s expense. It was a continuing nightmare, a never-ending hell. Finally, after what felt like forever, his attacker relieved himself within his body and it sent a wave of nauseousness to the pit of Draco’s stomach. He lay there broken and bleeding as the man made a hasty get away. The thought of Harry was the last thing on his mind as he lapsed into a state of unconsciousness.

****************

Harry got a shock as he entered his office on Monday morning. In his office were Ron, Hermione, and Pansy, they all looked forlorn and it immediately worried him.

“What is it? Why all the sad faces?” Harry said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Hermione was the first to tell him.

“Its Draco… he’s been attacked Harry. Someone beat and raped him Saturday night. He’s at St. Mungo‘s now. They say he almost didn’t make it.” she was practically in tears as she broke the news. 

Harry looked at her in a shocked state of denial. He was willing her with his silence to tell him it wasn’t true. He knew by her tears that this had to be deadly serious. He didn’t say a word to any of them as he ran out of the office toward the elevator. Harry struggled to work the buttons on the elevator’s keypad. He was completely distraught and anxious to get to Draco’s side. All thoughts of his former anger at the pig headed man were instantly gone.

When Harry arrived at St. Mungo’s he was quickly shown to Malfoy’s room. He sucked in his breath when he saw the damage. Draco’s pale features were swollen and purple; he had severe cuts and contusions over most of his face. His arm was in a sling and his ribs seemed to be taped up too. Harry saw that he was hooked to some sort of a breathing machine as well. His heart felt sick at the thought of what he had endured.

A nurse came in and Harry began questioning her about Draco’s health. He was informed that Malfoy had been taken to a Muggle hospital first, so there were some spells they couldn’t use now. Several of his cuts had been stitched closed and the Muggle doctors had used a breathing tube to help save him. He would still recover but it would take a lot longer. They were giving him potions to help with the pain and swelling but the rest would take time. Harry thanked her for her information, and then turned toward Draco’s bed.

“Draco… Darling, can you hear me?” Harry whispered near his ear. 

Draco began to stir, turning his head slowly around to face Harry. He seemed shocked but happy to see him there. 

“Harry…” he croaked, “I thought you were angry at me.” he said softly.

Tears welled up in Harry’s eyes as he reached out and took Draco’s hand in his grasp.

“Don’t be silly, how can I possibly be mad at you now?” he replied, his question more of a statement.

“I was so stupid to be walking alone at night.” the blonde man whispered.

“This isn’t your fault Draco!” Harry said in anger at whoever had put him through this.

He looked down at Draco and tears came unbidden to his eyes. He loved this man so very much that it hurt to see him in so much pain. He had never seen Draco this broken, not even during 6th year when Harry had accidentally used dark magic on him. It amazed him how far they had come since then.

“I love you Draco.” he said in a low serious voice. “I don’t care that you can’t say it back. All that matters is us being together.”

The blonde man looked up at him, a look of surprised insecurity upon his face. 

“How could you possibly want me now? Did they tell you what happened?”

Harry looked at him and saw embarrassment in his eyes as he refused to look directly at him. 

“Yes, but sweet Merlin Draco, how could you even think I’d hold that against you? You didn’t ask to be raped or beaten. None of this is your fault. In fact, it’s my fault for sending you away. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. If I hadn’t put so much pressure on our relationship then you wouldn’t have been out alone. Like I said, it’s all my fault.” 

Harry was solemn as he looked back down at Draco.

“No Harry, you’re right, nobody’s to blame. I care so much for you Harry and I don’t want to lose you.” 

“Don’t worry, because that’s never happening, not ever again. I promise…”

Harry held Draco’s hand until he fell fast asleep, then he got comfortable in a nearby chair. He wasn’t about to leave Draco’s side, not now, not ever.


	8. Mournful Mend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco refuses to face what happened to him. He and Harry argue. Harry finally realizes just how unworthy Draco truly feels and makes a very hard decision in order to help the man he loves.

**Prompt Used: STEP EIGHT: “Accepting myself was the key to loving you.”  
Where they have had something of a spiritual reckoning. They have forgiven and learned how to love themselves… now they can love each other...**

This prompt will continue into the Epilogue... <3 

 

Mournful Mend by HPFangirl71

Weeks went by and Harry spent much of his time with Draco in the hospital. Draco’s recovery was slow and tedious but it had given the two men a chance at finally getting to know one another without their tendency to let sex take over. In the confines of that tiny room, they had begun to understand and accept one another as equals. They were undoubtedly falling in love with one another all over again, or at least Harry hoped they were.

Being at the hospital so often, Harry was able to watch the exchanges between Draco and his parents. He saw the looks of worried shame that passed between them and suddenly he understood Draco’s obsession with appearances. From the womb, Draco was taught that other people’s opinions were more important than his own were. Draco seemed to keep the best parts of his personality to himself and was only now sharing them with Harry. He loved finding out that Draco had an indulgent fondness for sweets and that he secretly liked listening to the wizarding comics on the wireless. Harry found this to be quite shocking since he’d formerly thought Draco lacked any shred of a sense of humor. He delighted in hearing the man’s laughter when his guard came down; it made him fall even more in love with the man than he already was. 

Draco felt himself also growing closer to Harry, although he still couldn’t bring himself to admit that he loved the messy haired git. Through the time they spent together, he found out that, Harry was a rather accomplished wizarding chess player and that he liked to read muggle detective novels. He’d always pictured Harry as too emotional to have any interest or prowess in such blatantly logical pursuits. It surprised him and that was hard to do. Draco also came to understand the close bonds between Harry and his friends. Weasley and Granger came by often to see if he or Harry needed anything. Draco although touched by this measure of thoughtfulness wouldn’t think of ever admitting to it. Instead, he relied on Harry to give his thank yous and began acting more cordial toward the duo.

Draco’s recovery consisted of many hours of physical therapy, which he whined consistently about like a typical spoiled brat. Draco also had another kind of therapy that he almost adamantly refused to attend. The psychological effects of his attack had to be addressed but it was something he tried denying actually ever happened. Other than his asking Harry if he’d been told the details, he never again brought the subject up. Even in therapy, he was close-minded and tight-lipped. The medi wizard in charge of his case seemed worried about his state of denial. He worried that if Draco kept everything about the sexual nature of his attack bottled up inside that it may leave lasting scars on his psyche. 

Harry did everything he could to try to encourage Draco to open up about what had happened to him but to no avail... 

****************

“Morning love…” Harry said to Draco as he bent down to kiss him gently on the cheek.

Draco wore an exuberant smile across his face as he greeted his boyfriend.

“I have excellent news this morning!” he replied cheerfully.

“Really… What kind of news?” Harry asked him.

“I’m being discharged in just a few days. The Healers say I’m as good as new!”

“Well that is great news…” Harry began in a wary tone. 

Draco looked at Harry with sudden suspicion wavering in his eyes.

“What is it? I thought you’d be happier that I was coming home,” Draco said in a defensive voice.

“I’m just wondering about your appointments with Wizard Stanton,” Harry said honestly.

“Harry, I told you I wasn’t seeing that bloody head doctor anymore!” Draco growled with his teeth clenched tightly.

“Draco, this is absurd! You know as well as I do that you need to talk about what happened.” Harry was insistent.

“I said there’s nothing to talk about Potter, so drop it!” Draco spat out snidely.

Harry bristled at the use of his surname but knew it was only Draco’s way of putting a wall between them. It was a defense mechanism that Harry knew all too well by now. 

“So we’re back to Potter now are we?” he looked his boyfriend over with a sadness enveloping him.

Draco just looked out the window at the muggle shoppers as they passed by the hospital with an oblivious air about them. He knew he was being unfair but he just didn’t like being pushed into talking about that night.

“I don’t want to go down this route again Draco. I thought we were quite past all that.”

Draco turned to face his lover and saw the hurt on Harry’s face. Perhaps he’d pushed the man too far this time…

“Draco love, I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.” Harry whispered into his ear as he gathered the man into his arms.

Draco pulled back from his embrace and wiped the tears that had suddenly begun falling down his face. He took in a deep breath before he spoke.

“What am I supposed to say? What exactly are we supposed to talk about? How I got so stinking pissed that I let myself be attacked! How I was an idiot for not admitting how much I loved you? Do you want me to talk about how dirty I feel after that man put his hands all over me? Or how about we talk about how I was never really worthy of you in the first place and now this just makes me even more unworthy! Are those the things you and that crazy wizard want me to talk about? If those are the things you want to talk about then I want no part of it because I already feel bad enough about what‘s happened.” Draco half-cried half raged at him.

Harry felt the guilt of Draco’s pain almost overwhelm him. So this had been the problem all along, Draco feeling unworthy made him unable to accept Harry’s love. He hated seeing him go through so much pain. 

“You have the right to feel bad about the attack but thinking you’re unworthy is just plain stupid.” he said in a gently chiding voice.

Draco looked at him with a look of doubtfulness clouding his eyes.

“I love you Dray… I thought you knew that.” Harry replied extra softly.

Draco pulled away from him and went to sit on the edge of the hospital bed.

“Sure you’ve said the words but how can I be certain they mean anything…,” he said with a feigned air of indifference.

“Draco if you can’t feel how much I love you by now then I’m not sure you ever will.” Harry replied in a sad tone of voice.

“I’m sorry… I’m trying… I swear I am” 

“I know you are love. You just need to let Wizard Stanton and I help you,” Harry said in as gentle a tone as possible.

“I don’t need that quack doctor’s help! Can’t you get that through your thick skull?”

His words were damning… suddenly Harry realized that by staying with Draco, he wasn’t help him at all. Draco needed to get his act together and love himself before he’d ever be able to love somebody else.

Draco watched as Harry suddenly turned toward the door. Harry stopped at the entrance, turning to face the broken blonde and his voice was a saddened whisper.

“Obviously I‘m not doing you any favors by sticking around. You have a lot to work out. I think you need to fix yourself before we can fix us. I’m sorry Draco; I just can’t stand by and watch you self destruct…” 

With those final words of goodbye, Harry disappeared out the door.

Suddenly Draco fell to the ground, his breath catching in mid sob as the ominous truth sunk in. Once again, Harry was gone…


End file.
